you are my manhattan from the sky

there's not enough words to say what needs to be said. i thought i was happy. but i guess not. tomorrow will be good at least. but can i please just stop thinking about you. i get happy, and then i get sad, and it's like this one big roller coaster with you. i don't know what to do. just like, make me happy like i was before, because this is not what i imagined. there's two ways. completely leave, or stay for good. i can't take this anymore. i'm done.

i wish i could say that and mean it, because i know i'll just be back in this again in a matter of days.

because i'm just a fucken idiot. fuck this. i'm a wreck.

on a side note,

i love you a lot and i believe in you. i know you're gonna make it, because you're not like them, you're gonna go for it, and be amazing. there's no doubting you.

i'll be your best friend, yeah i'll love you forever.

told me you loved me

how come all of the sudden i don't hurt that much? regardless, it's nice not to be in pain anymore.

p.s. i think you make me want to sing

carter burwell

so today, went to big white, snowboarded for the FIRST TIME. well, technically second but the first time doesn't even count so i'm not going to. FIRST TIME. went pretty good, was hard at first, took me like two hours to get down the bunnyhill, then went down a second time, and did WAY better, probably took half that time. only downsides : i was soaked the whole ride home, so i was NOT warm, and my butt hurts so bad that i can hardly walk or sit! but i'm really glad i went :)

now getting ready for the staff partayy tonight, which should be some fun stuff!

where were you, when everything was falling apart?

i don't understand you.

stop this.

stop sending me mixed signals.

i'm tired of getting this.

make up your mind.

but don't play with me.

i'm easily convinced,

and i tend to believe everything.

so please don't toy with me,

i don't want this to happen again.

i'm finally okay.

"formerly called TwiTour"

OKAAAAAAAAAY. seriously. how stoked are you. i can't believe this is happening. road trip. together. YES MA'AM. i'm so stokedd. can't even explaiiiin it! this all happened so quickly, and i'm so glad. i didn't think there was going to be a good chance at the beginning but now it came down to it and we are for sure for sure going. super stoked.

+

this weekend is going to be amazing. i'm so glad i got you :)

i can't live in a world where you don't exsist <3

wow what a spectacular fucking night lastnight!! premiere of new moon, which was just amazing, and all the lineup and the excitement and everything, just wonderful. the movie was sooooo good. so much better than twilight, and holy crap!! the running was better, their eyes were better, and HOW FUCKING HOT WAS EDWARD. even though most of the movie has to do with jacob, im still a team edward. i love you edward cullen :) EVEN BETTER! the convention in may is a total go, i can't wait, we're total twihards, it's going to be amazing that i can't even explain it! this is the most ultimate thing everrr. i love you with all my heart, nothing can beat this <3

you're the best there is

"i've never met anyone like you" when she said that, she was right, but i feel it different than she does. you are probably the most influential person in my life right now, and i love you so much! i can't believe we're going to do this, like could it get any better? these next two weeks are going to be SO good! i can't even wait. i love the way we think the same things, it helps a lot when we need to be silent but still need to communicate :) i wouldn't trade you for anyone because i'm sooo happy for what this is bringing us! if we actually go to this, i think it's going to be the highlight of our friendship, the highlight of our lives.. SO FAR. because just wait for the future, sooo many better things are going to be coming our way, and this is just the beginning. i can't wait. i wouldn't want anyone else but you ;) <3 and it makes it sooo much better that your mom understands this and wants to be a part of it, i'm so glad there is someone there to help us! hopefully everything will fall through, and i really believe it will, because i'm sure they will both see this is the biggest thing we want right now and it's totally worth it. you mean a lot to me, this means a lot to me, and i do believe that we can achieve this goal. you're fantastic, let's go be vampires :)

you should never think

+i am so in love with you

-you are starting to really get unbearable, i don't know what your issue is but you don't show any happiness to be around us, you act like a bitch all the time, so just don't come around? maybe that will solve things!!!!

+i am so in love with you

-i'm not too excited for you to leave, it seems like bam all the sudden you're going, it's going to be weird saying this, but i'm going to miss you a lot

+i am so in love with you

+pretttty darn excited for this weekenddd!

+i am SO in love with you

i don't know what i want

okay so today was pretty average, i'm utterly disappointed about this wednesday but meh, that's alright because the next couple weeks will really make up for it. i just love you :) like, best friends FOREVER kayy? i'm so stoked on this, and the talk tonight with your mom and sister just kind of finalized everything. at first i was nervous to say that i was going too, but then i did and i'm happy that i did, cause it seems like everything is pretty out in the open, and now we know what we have to work for! so that's really good, and basically, i'm just really excited. and i think that very serious talk today we had helped, not that there was something that needed helping, but it was just good to talk about the completely irrational things that probably won't ever happen in our lifetime ;) you're fantabulous, just thought i'd let yah know :)

felling any foe with my gaze

okayy uhhhm i'm sick of you hanging around and basically being the most judgmental person that i know. like seriously get a fucking grip, don't be such a creep, and stop trying to act like you're better than us. it's getting annoying and i don't know how much longer i can take it before i do something that i don't want to do.

on the other hand i'm extremely stoked for this month, skating again this weekend, next weekend new moon comes out and i might POSSIBLY be hitting the slopes, and then the next weekend i get to spend at my best friends house and POSSIBLY hit the slopes again! superrr stoked, you're making this year pretty fantastic for me :)

AND ANOTHER. i really don't like this situationn anymoree. at first i was like, optimistic i guess, but now i just donno, do you think it's fun being used? i sure don't.

-favourite

"My heart hasn’t beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone—like I was hollow. Like I’d left everything that was inside me here with you."

"Do you really have any idea how important you are to me? Any concept at all of how much I love you?"

"Only you could be more important than what I wanted… what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I’ll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to stay—thank heaven for that! It seems you can’t be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us."

-can't they all be like you?

your spine is ablaze

holy shit. as soon as you told me, tears just filled my eyes. but i sucked them back in because i'm stronger than that. but if you do go, i know you won't read this, but i'm going to miss you so much. you've been my best friend for a long time and i can't deal with losing someone that's so close to me. i don't even know what else to say. this is going to be too hard if you don't come back. i don't think you realize, but i can't go without you. you're one of the best friends i've ever had and i'm going to miss you way wayy too much. too much for our own good. but whatever happens, you deserve the best, i want you to be happy wherever you are. and if that place isn't here with me and all your other friends, then i just want you to know i'm never going to forget you, i love you a lot. <3 forever.

i'm taking it slow, feeding my flame

i won’t soothe your pain

i won’t ease your strain

you’ll be waiting in vain

i got nothing for you to gain

eyes on fire

your spine is ablaze.

i was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him

i don't think i've mentioned this,
but i've sort of become a twilight junkiee <3

eyes on fire

haven't posted in a lonnng time. my apologies to the people that actually take the time to read this. just thought i would let you know that i've been doing pretty good, and i have no complaints! isn't that pretty awesome?! for once, i have nooo complaintss. friends are good, better than ever, school is going well, and everything else is spectacular. i am also super pleased with myself in saying that i am reading the twilight series and i just started one week ago and am already on the third book! :) go me!! that's about all, just wanted to update, and hopefully i'll come on and post a little more often, been too occupied with reading ;) pce out btches.