lost in the dark

can't help but break my word of not blogging on christmas break due to fun overload and always being busy, but i must talk about tonight. oh my jesus. you ladies are like the best friends anyone could ask for. not gonna lie. tonight was great, we sure are fucken crazy ladies. but i'm glaaad <3

p.s. thanks for breaking my pot s.h!! the snow was pree nice though ;) looove yaah.

a full moon fills the frame

" these violent delights have violent ends, and in their triumph die, like fire and powder, which as they kiss, consume... "

listen in, listen in, listen in

i think it's been about, 3 hours?

yep three hours that i've been listening to jeff piattelli.

never gets old <3

p.s. stoked on this week,

brianni tomorrow,

seeing sammy as well,

and christmas.

good week my friends, good week.

i need every waking hour with you

don't i just feel fantastic right now. there's just this huge lump. and a hole right beside it. the lump is because of my past. and the hole is because of what i know is going to be my future. i see what's wrong now. it's never the other half that i'm missing. it's just this half. this half that doesn't belong. this half that's always forever going to be a half, and not a whole. i don't know what to do. the hole just becomes bigger and bigger each day. whatever i was doing before is not working anymore. it goes away for a bit, and then it comes back. and i can't handle it. it's like someone is just ripping out pieces of me one by one. and it's just such a fucking awesome feeling. not. i used to think i could easily distract myself. but it just gets harder and harder everyday. and then i see people, with their halves made whole, and it just rips another piece of me out. i can't do this. i can't do this anymore. there's no end to it.

would you lie with me?

i don't even know what to say.

at a loss of words.

she tastes like cigarettes and alcohol

i honestly can't wait until you're home. it's going to make my whole christmas break to have you back. and then you're going to leave again, and i can bet that i'm going to cry. it's so weird without you here. quiet mostly. and just not the same. i guess that's what it's going to be like when you're gone for good. and i guess that's what it's going to be like when i'm older and i leave. i'm just going to be happy that you're back again. because even though it may not seem like it, i miss you a lot. and i love you a lot. wouldn't want anyone else but you!

carter burwell

(do you ever get that feeling that something's a dream? that real life doesn't exist right now and that this simply isn't true? not the fact that something's going wrong, just that weird feeling, inside your head, your gut, even in your eyes and the back of your throat? when you can't really do anything? you don't want to move because what if this dream turns into a nightmare and something bad happens? all these questions don't come to you during this dream of a life, they come to you after.)

when it's over.

take a deep breath

-i have this horrid feeling right now. i need to change my ways. because i just feel like crap. so i'm going to. done.

-i'm really pathetic for having a million posts about you. i just want to move on, i'm only trying to be happy.

+i love you no matter what, and if i did something wrong, or there's just something on your mind, i'd like to think you would tell me, and i know that you would, so i'm just gonna lay off, give you some time, i know that's the best thing to do.

-i miss you. come home.

you fucked up my life

FINALLY DONE.

not going back. ever ever again.

especially with you.

so don't even try anymore.

i'm sooo sick of the bullshit you put me through all the time.

i've had enough of this.

d-o-n-e.

on a side note

i'm particularly happy,

because saturday was really great,

and i'm really glad to have you both.

christmas is coming and that makes me happy,

and i'm looking forward to my brother coming back.

because i never thought i would say this,

but i miss him.

let's waste time

finally figured it out, i'm not going to say i have set feelings, because either way i'm just going to get screwed. so right now i've decided on what i want, and that's nothing. i want what you want, so everything will work out. maybe it will take a bit to see what you want, but i just want to say this.

i am not something you can just play with.

if you do, there's going to be an issue. because i do have friends to back me up, and i will tell you off. so don't even think about it. just give it to me straight on what you want. thanks.