i need every waking hour with you

don't i just feel fantastic right now. there's just this huge lump. and a hole right beside it. the lump is because of my past. and the hole is because of what i know is going to be my future. i see what's wrong now. it's never the other half that i'm missing. it's just this half. this half that doesn't belong. this half that's always forever going to be a half, and not a whole. i don't know what to do. the hole just becomes bigger and bigger each day. whatever i was doing before is not working anymore. it goes away for a bit, and then it comes back. and i can't handle it. it's like someone is just ripping out pieces of me one by one. and it's just such a fucking awesome feeling. not. i used to think i could easily distract myself. but it just gets harder and harder everyday. and then i see people, with their halves made whole, and it just rips another piece of me out. i can't do this. i can't do this anymore. there's no end to it.