you make me wanna die

you are so disgusting, and not to mention my biggest regret in life. you act like you are the hottest shit in town. that all these girls are all over you. you want to know the truth? they feel sorry for you. and because you pressure them into doing things (like you did to me..) they do it anyways. they eventually get sick of your bugging and nagging and give into it. whether it's a kiss, or a hand job, or letting them grab your boobs, whatever you can get you will take it. the fact that you play so many girls are once is also utterly repulsing. sure you've got a girlfriend now but i'm sure that there's a few others that are lined up just waiting. i feel bad for the girl who you got to date you. and i don't know how you did it. you're worthless, selfish, disgusting, and so rude. you act like you have all these things going for you, but i think deep down you know that the way you treat girls and other people now is not going to pay off. you are extremely selfish in the acts that you never think about others, plain and simple. if there's plans, it's about you, and trying to hook up with some girl. disgusting, well thats just very simple. take a look in a mirror. and rude, i can't even being to explain that. the way you treat girls is so wrong. like they're just a play toy, something to have around for a while to keep you entertained. a material object that you can use as much as you want. they're your play toy, and your slave. whatever you want, they will do. because you have a penis. thats exactly what you think. girls will drop to their knees just because you have a dick. well guess what. so does every other guy, and there's TONS out there that are a million times sweeter and more charming than you. it makes me sick to my stomach to think that i wasted so much time on you, running back and forth. to think at once i thought you might be my everything. i was so wrong! you were the opposite. you caused my walls to crash and my whole world to shatter. but it's fixed now. i found a great contractor. someone who has made me happier than you EVER did. he doesn't do it just for an hour or two, he does it all the time. he's worth more than you will ever be, and he's actually going places. the way he treats women and more importantly me is the most amazing thing ever. there is no one better for me. all the things you thought we would do together, yeah well that didn't happen. all those experiences and memories belong to him. he has it all now. and soon enough, you'll have nothings.

this time won't you save me?

hi there. it's been a while. i hardly recognize you. and you probably don't even remember who i am at all.

here go my fingers.

okay so lots has happened lately and i havent gotten anything out. there was a big rough patch recently of all things combining and everything kind of falling apart. but that's all fixed and i couldn't be happier now. because its back to normal and i feel really good about that. i feel like every time i sit down and try to write something i just end up writing about you. but i don't want to do that this time. im getting kind of tired of trying to hang out because its like you really just dont want to. every time we make a plan or talk about doing something it "doesnt work for you" but two or three weeks down the road it will work. well im sorry but i cant just do that. i know its not easy to make plans but im always nagging and i feel like you just dont want to. we've lost a lot of contact lately and i feel as if we don't even exist to each other. but whatever we'll fix it, or not. shit happens. ive learnt that a lot recently. people fight way too much. boyfriends and girlfriends, best friends, parents and kids, everybody. it's like a non stop chain of arguments or anger or bitching. and i really don't like that. you might think you are so in sync with someone and no matter what happens you will be happy and so will they. but sometimes personalities collide and people say things on impact that they don't necessarily mean. but you get through it. ive learnt that the hard way. i wish i didnt. but oh well i shouldnt say that. i try not to regret anything. i just needed to rant a little bit so this is all you get. goodnight, and farewell.

show me the world thats inside your head

its been a while since i spoke to you. nothing really new has happened lately. well you know some has, but it's in the past and that's so over now. this is like the most pointless blog, i just feel like i need to put something here. things are going good, should be a busy couple weeks coming up soon, with my brother leaving, valentines day, anniversary. thank god dad is going to help me out a bit, that will really do wonders. health is hitting like an all time low. blackout this morning, lost feeling in fingers and face today at school, constant headaches. something is going on and i need to figure it out. on the other hand, i feel like we might just get back to normal in like a month or so. i hope we do cause i miss what we had. but anyways this was just an update, peace.