to live doesnt mean youre alive

everyone needs to just stop bullshitting. its the most fucking annoying thing ever. appreciate things a little bit more and don't be such a snob. i'm sick of getting under appreciated for all the things i do for people, all the times i lend my ear and listen to small problems or big problems, every time i go out of my way to try and make someone laugh or feel better. the hugs i give, the kisses i give, the love i give. it all goes taken for granted. it's like people these days just don't give a damn what you've done because it's not enough. it's never enough and it never will be. people only want more. and it's a little tiresome.

on another note, of course that would happen again. im a little dissappointed. i understand your point and where youre coming from but what you may not know is that im going through a really shitty and tough time and all i want sometimes is your arms around me. its just that little extra push of comfort that makes me forget about things and feel alright for a while. what i havent told you lately is that every day when i look in the mirror that acceptance of myself is slowly fading away. i dont like what i see anymore, the number is staying the same, not dropping. nothing looks good on me anymore. im sick of being disgusting. ive seriously thought of going back to my old ways a few times and every time i do that i just remember the promise i made you when i almost saw those tears in your eyes. i will never do that to you again. i just want some appreciation, let me know im beautiful and that you are happy to be my boyfriend, reassure me. because even though you've proved it to me and convinced me, i still want to hear it sometimes. its hard being the one that tells everything and gets nothing in return. but i know thats just you, and even though it drives me nuts and sometimes even drives me to tears i look past that. and i make one or two mistakes because im having a bad day and you have to make a huge deal of that? i love you, i really do, you've brightened my life and made me look at things so differently, but there needs to be a night for just us, to get things out in the open. i love you and i want everything to be okay. i cant afford to lose you.

im losing touch and contact. you were one of the best people in my lives, then we got to highschool and you hung out with the guys and i didn't. and we had no classes together, and never really saw each other in the halls. you have practically a full time job cause you work like crazy, and now im getting another job. and its gonna separate us even more, if thats even possible. i remember grade 10 and the time you scared me to death telling me that you were leaving and you werent going to come back. that was probably one of the scariest things that happened to me. because we had been close for forever, and had always been best friends no matter what. and now if you moved it would be like things wouldnt even change. we hardly talk, we hardly see each other, and that just hurts. because to be honest i really truly miss you. i miss all the goofy times and all the laughs we had. all the jokes and all the hugs and cuddles. the years we were inseparable and no one could tear us apart. you were my best friend, and i wont forget that.