you love me for who i am

i'm confused. so confused. i know i like you. that's one thing i know. but then on the other hand, i don't know at all how you feel. i thought i did. but clearly not. when we first started talking, it was like something about me changed. i felt like i was kind of important, maybe a little bit pretty, someone who a guy would want to date. and then a week went by, two weeks, and all was good. we talked all the time, all the time except for sleep. and then that day came. we were supposed to hang out. then you slept it. then you texted me. and that's when i started getting confused. right after you asked me that one question, everything changed. i regret what i told you. i should have told you the truth. maybe that would have changed things. but i lied, because i was scared, i was nervous, i didn't know what to expect. it was so wrong of me. i should have told you how i felt. because i have this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach now that you felt how i felt. and i lied because i was a chicken. a chicken to tell you the truth. i regret it so much, thinking about it now. i think it's too late, too. much too late. i ruined it. i wish i could have just told you how i felt. but i didn't and i'm ridiculous to think that if i did now, things would be any different. my eyes just fill up with tears thinking about it. i fucked up. i wish i could go back in time and tell you. maybe if i wasn't such a stupid girl. it was obvious. but i couldn't pick that up. and now i messed it up. but i need you. you make me happy, you make me feel better about myself, and a little bit stronger too. i miss what we had. a lot. it makes my heart ache how much i miss it.