someone like you

i dont know what to do anymore. all i do is sit home and cry. because i love you, honestly i do. so much. and i feel like i get so little credit for the things that i do and how hard i try. i would do anything for you to make you happy, and i pretty much do. but a relationship and happiness is such a two way street and right now i feel like im the only one driving here. i love you and i cant afford to lose you, i cant go to school and not hug you and kiss you and smile at you. i cant sit here and be unhappy and wish that i was with you and that we did things differently. and i cant let go and give up this easily. or as easily as it seems for you. thats another thing i dont understand. how your feelings can just leave. and i dont want to force you to stay in this but if you can let go of what happened before and just let us rebuild and repair then i know they will all come back. because what we had and what we are still fighting to have is real and i dont want to lose that. i can't lose that. i dont want to guilt you but i know that if we do end things im going to go back to what i was before. i dont regret anything ive done with you or for you, because its helped make me who i am. but youre not done helping me and i still really need you. i know i deserve you and i know you deserve me, but we need to work through this. at least i think. i dont want to sit here and cry and be upset anymore but frankly i dont even know what i want, all i want is you, all the time. here for me and holding me and making me feel better like you always do. i know its hard, believe me because ive been lied to probably just as much as you have in the past. but 7 months later and no lies, just love. i cant just give that up so easily because i still think that if we try we can do this. relationships take work and a really smart and wise woman once told me that it just gets hareder the longer youre together. the more work it takes. its not easy, its work, its hard. and im willing to do that for you if you're willing to do the same. all i want you to know is that i love you so much, and that is not a lie. i have never spoken those words to someone before and meant it like ive meant it to you. you have helped shape my life and me. and i know ive helped you too. so please, help me to help us and become stronger than we already are. you mean the world to me, and always will. you were and still are my first love. dont forget that because i will love you forever, a piece of me will always be with you. and i hope that happens for such a long time, because you are the most amazing person i have ever met. i know we can get through this, i know we can. we just have to spill our feelings and communicate and work at this. because we deserve to be happy, and i know we can do it for each other. you're the best thing thats ever happened to me and i cant just let go and lose it. i love you. and i want to work through this. we're stronger than we think.