you fucked up my life

anger blog. what the fuck. what the fuck. what the FUCK. three fucking times. three. THREE! all three of them i fell for it. all three times, you said the same thing to me every fucking little time. what am i supposed to think? am i supposed to trust you again? i dont know. i just dont know. because once again im gonna be messed up for a long time, just like last time. i believed EVERYTHING. as i sit here, crying, thinking about it all. i realize how stupid i was. this is what i get. after everything. after being so good, waiting my turn, finally. and then this. what the fuck. life is fucked. whoevers reading this, you should know. life is a big mess. a roller coaster. a paintball game. you just get shot once, its not so bad, shot again, hurts a bit more, and then you get shot until its a bruise, a scar. it's never going to go away. not now. not ever. i dont know what the fuck to do. what's wrong with me? cause this has happened every single time. every time i get let down. the apologies mean nothing to me right now. i just wish you could experience the pain im going through. because it's terrible. i've never felt a bigger hole in my stomach and my heart before. fuck. that's it. i'm so extremely done with being the rebound, the girl who's just on the sidelines watching, as you make your way with her. IM SO FUCKING DONE.