1. life is so complicated. being so young and having this much issues is bad. this ongoing stomach issue of almost three days now is getting old. i don't want it to be something too serious. but if it is, it needs to get fixed. on another complicated note, what's going on with my family? things seem to be going better and then just when i think they're good, they go all sour. i wish my dad was regular. i wish my mom could just do things and not be scared of what he was going to do. as much as i love them both, i think they both need to take a step up and start acting like adults and handling things seriously and stop playing games. i hate being in the middle of it. another complication, I HATE SINGLE. single. all the time. it's retarded. like i don't know. first of all lack of guys. second of all, shyness. third, i'm not going to say it. i don't want to say it. i fight it all the time and i'm going to keep fighting it. fuck.

2. photography. fashion. CAMERAA. i want a new one. as bad as it is. mine is in pretty good condition. but i just want a new one. a more advanced one. or a new lens. cause you know i haven't been waiting for that for a long time -.- i need it. i need to take pictures. i really want to get a backdrop, a huge picture, or a poster. or a few really cool sheets and something i can pin it up with. then i will go crazy. model search once that happens. but who knows. i need some expression. there's nothing right now. i've lost the whole knack for writing, and i can't draw or paint. photography is my vice. i need to spend some time with my camera. one of these days...

3. vancouver. soon. thank the lord. i want to just get out of town for a weekend. i want to figure out the schedule for our venue and figure out when we can shop and what we're going to do. maybe we should make lists and send our moms out during the day to go do our deeds. that would be awfully nice. that's a good idea actually. by the time we go, snowboard season will be over, and i'll have leftover cash. leftover cash = new makeup n whatnot. HECK YES. that is going to be amazing. overall i just can't wait to go, it's going to be sooo much funnn. we need to get together with the mama's and plan some shtufff. this is about the only thing i'm not confused about right now.